Sheltie Nation

A Sheltie’s New Year Resolutions

I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will NOT chase the ball until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND!

I will not eat other animals' poop.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

I will not eat my own vomit.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not eat "kitty box crunchies".

I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing. 

I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV. 

I will conquer my fear of thunderstorms!

I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

12 Responses »

  1. I will not chase the mop, broom, or swiffer around the kitchen…Or bark ferociously at the vacuum cleaner.
    I will not run into the neighbors yard to herd their pets.
    I will not unravel an entire roll of toilet paper. I will not run through the living room streaming toilet paper, and I will not bring unraveled TP into my crate.
    I will not bark at cats on the kitchen counter.
    I will learn to accept treats from strangers when in public, they are not poison.
    I will conquer my fear of jumping off the bed. I will no longer stand on a bed and bark to be put on the ground.

  2. I will not pull on the bottom of my Mommy’s pants the minutes she walks through the door!

  3. I will not try to have a zoomie when I am on my leash.
    I will not put my cold nose in Mom’s face when the alarm goes off.

  4. I will only sleep on dirty laundry. And only if it is on the floor. (You smell so good and you are mine.)
    I will try not to twirl at the end of our yard, no matter how big the school bus that got away was.
    I will never, ever open and empty the refrigerator again. Promise! But the doggie goodie cabinet is awfully tempting. (Could you put that stuff up higher?)
    I will keep my face away from the skunk?s bottom.
    Please keep me in the conversation, you know how I like to sing (ok, howl) when you are on the phone.
    I promise to sleep on your cold feet any time you settle in for a cup of tea.
    Please keep to the schedule. Dinner is served at 5. If late, expect a reminder, period.

  5. I will not come running, no matter where I happen to be, when my mom opens the chip bag so that I can ask for some too.
    I will not beg to share the toast when it pops up in the toaster.
    I will not be a “sheltie vacuum” cleaner any more.

  6. I will not get any cuter!

  7. Fie, Jorge, my favorite thing all day is when I get out of the shower and it’s Human Water Bowl! I haven’t dried off my own legs in a year!
    I will not drag every toy I own outside through the dog door….every day.
    I will not dig through the fireplace ashes for treasure.
    I will not chew the electric blanket wires – very silly, seeing as how I enjoy the cosy bed even more than my Mom.

  8. I will not insist on sneaking into my papillon sisters crate and chewing on all of the treasures shes hiding in there.
    I will quit bringing my poop in from the backyard and depositing it
    in front of the commode, to be found by someone who is visiting
    Mom and Dad.

  9. I will not run out the doggie door barking at the sound of another dog on the TV.
    I will not chase cars across the back yard, gate to gate.
    I will try to use a different path across the yard, this one is getting deep.
    When chasing rabbits, I will try to watch when they make sharp turns.

  10. I will stop licking Mom & Dad’s legs after they get out of the shower in an attempt to dry them off.

  11. I will decide 4 am is not the time to drop a soggy toy in mom’s face and expect her to play fetch.

  12. I will not eat my own poop, either!
    I will not eat tissues, rubber bands, foam rubber earplugs or any other non-food items, no matter how tempting.
    I will stop barking hysterically at the mail, express and newspaper carriers. They are allowed to leave stuff at our house.

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