I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will NOT chase the ball until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND!

I will not eat other animals' poop.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

I will not eat my own vomit.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not eat "kitty box crunchies".

I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing. 

I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV. 

I will conquer my fear of thunderstorms!

I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

12 Responses to “A Sheltie’s New Year Resolutions”

  1. Courtney

    I will not chase the mop, broom, or swiffer around the kitchen…Or bark ferociously at the vacuum cleaner.
    I will not run into the neighbors yard to herd their pets.
    I will not unravel an entire roll of toilet paper. I will not run through the living room streaming toilet paper, and I will not bring unraveled TP into my crate.
    I will not bark at cats on the kitchen counter.
    I will learn to accept treats from strangers when in public, they are not poison.
    I will conquer my fear of jumping off the bed. I will no longer stand on a bed and bark to be put on the ground.

    Reply
  2. Holly

    I will not pull on the bottom of my Mommy’s pants the minutes she walks through the door!

    Reply
  3. Linda

    I will not try to have a zoomie when I am on my leash.
    I will not put my cold nose in Mom’s face when the alarm goes off.

    Reply
  4. Jackie Stone

    I will only sleep on dirty laundry. And only if it is on the floor. (You smell so good and you are mine.)
    I will try not to twirl at the end of our yard, no matter how big the school bus that got away was.
    I will never, ever open and empty the refrigerator again. Promise! But the doggie goodie cabinet is awfully tempting. (Could you put that stuff up higher?)
    I will keep my face away from the skunk’s bottom.
    Please keep me in the conversation, you know how I like to sing (ok, howl) when you are on the phone.
    I promise to sleep on your cold feet any time you settle in for a cup of tea.
    Please keep to the schedule. Dinner is served at 5. If late, expect a reminder, period.

    Reply
  5. Barbara Narong

    I will not come running, no matter where I happen to be, when my mom opens the chip bag so that I can ask for some too.
    I will not beg to share the toast when it pops up in the toaster.
    I will not be a “sheltie vacuum” cleaner any more.

    Reply
  6. Robby

    Fie, Jorge, my favorite thing all day is when I get out of the shower and it’s Human Water Bowl! I haven’t dried off my own legs in a year!
    I will not drag every toy I own outside through the dog door….every day.
    I will not dig through the fireplace ashes for treasure.
    I will not chew the electric blanket wires – very silly, seeing as how I enjoy the cosy bed even more than my Mom.

    Reply
  7. rileyb

    I will not insist on sneaking into my papillon sisters crate and chewing on all of the treasures shes hiding in there.
    I will quit bringing my poop in from the backyard and depositing it
    in front of the commode, to be found by someone who is visiting
    Mom and Dad.

    Reply
  8. Bob

    I will not run out the doggie door barking at the sound of another dog on the TV.
    I will not chase cars across the back yard, gate to gate.
    I will try to use a different path across the yard, this one is getting deep.
    When chasing rabbits, I will try to watch when they make sharp turns.

    Reply
  9. Izal's Mom

    I will decide 4 am is not the time to drop a soggy toy in mom’s face and expect her to play fetch.

    Reply
  10. GreggB

    I will not eat my own poop, either!
    I will not eat tissues, rubber bands, foam rubber earplugs or any other non-food items, no matter how tempting.
    I will stop barking hysterically at the mail, express and newspaper carriers. They are allowed to leave stuff at our house.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *